Girlfriends are good for many things. They are wonderful when you need a gut wrenching laugh, an unrelenting cry, a word of advice, and someone to hold your secrets. Your friends see you at your best…your worst… your most beautiful and your most ugly (both inward and outward). Friendships tend to be one of those gifts that keeps on giving. They keep us grounded, and they keep us going. Yet, there is one thread in friendships, that when knitted in, can unravel the entire thing. Gossip.
Admit it, you Gossip.
Wrap it up in whatever pretty bow you desire, but we’ve all done it, and we’ve certainly all taken part. It is a battle that claims many victims, and tends to run the most ramped in the tribe known as “Girl.” Almost every girl knows the sick-to-the-stomach cruelty of gossip spread from an arch-nemesis. We know the grittiness that comes from our name being dragged through the mud, or the distinct chatter that comes when our character is being attacked with lies that scream much louder than the truth. While this type of gossip is traumatizing, I believe that the deepest and truest pain, the kind of pain that reaches to the bone, comes from the type of gossip that has no real “ill will” intended in the first place; the gossip that happens between friends.
Oh yes, we find ways of rationalizing it, denying it, and doing it under the guise of “genuine concern”, but there is a subtle, yet imperative difference in idle gossip and constructive conversation.
Regardless of the intention, gossip is one of those ugly realities in friendship. Everyone knows it is wrong, and so we proceed in secret. While leaning in over cups of coffee or tea, we go to great lengths to make sure no one overhears the juicy and “confidential” information we are just dying to share.
If the subject of the conversation walked into the room we would surely change the topic, and would be horrified to find she had learned of our words.
Why do we do it then? Regardless of our age, we all partake, and yet are so quick to judge when we hear of others engaging in this very same behavior. If we stopped and listened to our own conversations, I mean really listened the next time we are “catching up” with our friends; if we examined our own hearts and intentions as we told story after story involving others, would we find that rather than being motivated by love and concern, we have fallen into the deceptively destructive habit called gossip?
The resolution to this problem is obvious. It is simple, but difficult to stick to. It has more to do with our hearts, than our actions. We must force ourselves to change our outward behavior. By doing so, we will eventually eliminate this problem from our conversations.
The next time the thought pops in to share information about someone who is not present, try imagining her sitting next to you as you share. Ask yourself if your words honor and uplift her, or do they destroy and degrade her? If a friend starts sharing dishonoring information with you, be the first to stop it. Don’t engage. Even if it takes time, you will stop the ugliness from infecting your heart, and hopefully encourage change in them as well.