I have generally have considered myself a hopeless blind-dater. Prior to the most recent one, I had only been on several. All were so thoroughly uncomfortable that at the end of each, I vowed that I had been on my last blind date. Shamefully, my thoughts were that blind dates are great for those girls I typically classify as: ones who can cling to a seemingly random guy’s arm talking sports and weather and who-knows-what the entire evening. Nope—this was definitely not for me. I am a quiet twenty-something medical school student who could talk for hours about the pathogenesis of disease, but cannot “talk” football to save my life, and I most definitely could not/would not hang on the arm of a near perfect stranger.

Despite my reservations, I recently agreed to go on yet another blind date after a mutual friend tirelessly ignored my “no’s” to his relentless pleas. After all, I really had nothing to lose, and possibly there was something valuable to glean from the date regardless of how awkward it may be. That said, I am so glad that I went. I now place another arrow in my quiver with which I will go out and attack the dating world with slightly more strength, confidence, and insight than I had before. So, after an evening of dinner and bowling and post-date reflection, I share with you my humble perspective and advice on blind dating:

1. Keep it Short.
I suggest trying keep the first date (especially if it is “blind”) relatively short. My most recent date consisted of dinner and bowling which was a big time commitment with someone I knew very little of beforehand. Keeping the date short relieves a bit of the pressure that exists to sustain meaningful, engaging conversation. You don’t want to “wear out” what could be a really good date and really great guy just because you run out of conversation topics after a few hours. If the date seems to be going great, then make plans accordingly to spend time together again soon.

2. Do Something.
It is always helpful to do something on a first date. This poor guy had no idea (and I certainly didn’t have the nerve to tell him) that I have an irrational aversion to bowling. I can think of few things as miserable as spending my evening in a stale bowling alley subject to wearing communal bowling shoes and possibly contracting some weird foot fungus. Yet, I quickly agreed to his proposed plans, and ultimately I was thankful for the game, as well as the fact that he took initiative to make plans. It was engaging and provided us with something to talk and laugh about which was the common ground we needed.

3. Find Common Ground.
This can be difficult, especially if your lives don’t intersect at any point (as was the case in my situation). It only took an ounce of common sense to presume he probably was not interested in hearing my explanation of systemic fungal diseases–and why that is just one reason I get the heebie-jeebies about bowling shoes. So, do your best to find neutral common ground to serve as a diving board for conversation. If you can get on the same page with a topic of conversation, you will both be engaged and the date will flow much easier. Also, remember to be open but also guarded with your speech, and use judgment with how much you choose to share personally on the first date.

4. Be Open, and Be Gracious.
Admittedly, I can be quick to judge at times, and can tend to think I am the queen of first impressions. But, even if you see no future, keep a smile on your face and have an enjoyable time. Whether you are so into this guy you cannot wait to see him again or you are so already over it, there is never a reason to forgo proper etiquette by neglecting to show him gratitude for taking you out on the date. Being grateful and expressing thanks is not a sign-up sheet for date two, it is simply the proper response towards a guy who has sacrificed time and money to take you out on a date.

5. Refute the Unspoken Law of Reciprocity.
I think many single women, myself included, feel an obligation to reciprocate positive attention we receive from a guy, regardless of whether or not we are interested. If you are interested, great! But if not, that’s okay too! That is part of what dating is all about, and you do not owe it to him to continue to go out simply out of pity for his self-esteem. Actually, the opposite is true—you most definitely owe it to him to be completely honest about your intentions from the beginning. This was a long lesson to learn, and one I am still learning. Though I consider myself an honest person, when it comes to telling a guy that I simply am not “into him,” I am often tempted to shy away from the directness he deserves. In the case of my most recent date, I did not see it working out. So when he asked me on a second date I graciously, but directly, declined. Do your best to be tactfully honest, but still leave the situation with dignity and grace.

All of these thoughts are a reflection of previous dates of my own and of many friends’ experiences of the same. Although I am no expert on dating, I would implore you to regard each of your experiences as one that holds opportunity. Whether good, bad, or somewhere in between, there is wisdom to be gained from exposing ourselves to a breadth of new experiences–and that may include blind dates! Remember, it’s always good to overcome the uncomfortable in search of something far better than the temporary awkwardness of a first date. In other words, even though my bowling date was my first and last with this particular guy, I do not regret having worn those shoes for several hours and stepping out of them having found a new friend, a fresh perspective, and thankfully no foot fungus!

Photo Credit: http://marshmallowsonfire.tumblr.com/post/16011121485