We asked Emily Gallentine, who we consider a “professional friend,” to teach us about the second type of love, which in Greek is called Philia. This side of love includes love between family members, friends, and community—requiring loyalty, equality, and familiarity. Otherwise referred to as phileo, it also implies a strong emotional connection, a deep “like” for someone. In light of the first article in this series, you can agape your enemies, but it’s hard to phileo them.
Be encouraged by what Ms. Gallentine has to say on Philia:
Often during Valentine’s we focus on love in regards to romance. But what if we took our eyes off Cupid and instead took a closer look at love in all areas of our lives this February 14th? What if we looked at the type of love that’s right under our nose—at those particular relationships that have molded our lives? Let’s stop and consider how much love we receive from the people we actually choose to hang out with…the people we simply call friends.
In the dictionary the terms friend/friendship are defined as a relation of intimacy, a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection, loyalty, and intimacy. I like to personally refer to friends as “the people who know all your “uglies” and still want to keep talking to you.” But all joking aside, our friends are the people we tear down our walls for, they are our supporters, our advocates, and the people we chose to do life with.
Over the last 28 years of my life I have had the sincere pleasure of experiencing this phileo love through friendship. I am the woman I am today because of my life-long friendships with certain men and women who have loved me well; my thankfulness for them never ends, and I consider it a sincere honor to call each of them a friend.
Love in friendship can look many different ways and it is truly unique to each individual. Loving a friend is as simple as: telling them they have spinach in their teeth because you don’t want them to make a fool of themselves later, it’s rallying the troops to organize a care package for a friend who’s family member is dying of cancer, it’s allowing them to see your “ugly cry” face, and accepting theirs as well. It’s speaking up on a friend’s behalf when you hear someone gossiping about them, it’s painting a friend’s toenails for a hot date when you have a legitimate foot phobia, it’s writing an intentional thank you note “just because.” It’s joyfully laughing so hard your stomach hurts and you cant’s stop snorting, it’s letting them get angry with you and then being the first to ask for forgiveness. It’s mailing them their favorite Romantic Comedy DVD to cheer them up and offer hope after they’ve experienced a broken relationship; it’s treating them to dinner unexpectedly. It’s adventuring to an unknown place together, it’s challenging them to be the best version of themselves and then allowing them the space to do that, and it’s most importantly loving them as you want to be loved.
It is no coincidence that the second commandment and golden rule are in reference to friendship: “Treat others as you want to be treated.” We are instructed to be devoted to one another in brotherly love and to honor one another above ourselves.
Love in friendship is not in reference to just women and women or men and men. As a culture we need to work on how we love each other as friends. Generally, women are much more sensitive and affectionate than men, but the way we treat each other should not change based on our gender. We need to love friends honestly, thoughtfully, and respectfully, giving great comfort coupled with sincerity—leaving those in our lives changed forever. Let’s be the type of friends that think of ourselves less and serve those around us more. Not everyone has experienced loving friendships in the past, but there is always an opportunity to forgive and move forward to be a better friend today. Be the friend to others that you’ve always wanted in your life. Let’s consider this phileo love, and ask ourselves how we can love our friends better not just one day a year on Valentines Day, but for the other 364 days as well. Poor Cupid has enough work to do these days!
Photo Credit: Michelle Kim Photography for Darling Magazine.