As I sit in my cozy living room this Sunday evening, I am looking at my beautiful Christmas tree and reflecting on the holiday season. If you’re anything like me, you love the traditions, the lights, the color, and the joyous anticipation that the season inevitably brings. For many of us, these special moments and time-honored traditions are tied to those we love most dearly –family and friends. While these are the people that make up our most precious memories, close family and friends can often bring up, well, “stuff.”  The stuff we wish were different, the stuff from the past, the stuff we don’t like about ourselves. Unfortunately this “stuff” can prevent us from enjoying the people we love most during the holidays. So from one girl to another, here are some things that I am wishing for from myself this Christmas and may be helpful to you as you visit your own loved ones.

Know Thyself:  Know your sensitive spots. What makes you hurt? When you feel that hurt, what kind of hurt do you feel? Inadequate? Unsafe? Rejected? Alone? Where might that have come from? Chances are, every time you feel emotional pain, you are feeling the same two or three feelings no matter how diverse the situation or the people involved. These “sensitive spots” tend to come from life circumstances or relationships gone awry. What are yours?

Own Your Stuff: Knowing our pain and where it comes from provides an opportunity to understand ourselves and realize the real truth about our situation rather than placing blame where it doesn’t belong. Once we are able to grasp what button may have been pushed, we have to own it! Having the humility to recognize when you are being reactive as a result of your own pain is a gift you can give yourself and others.

Give Grace: We all have these “sensitive spots” and we all have ways we tend to cope with these feelings. Each one of our family and friends has their own pain and their own ways of coping as well. It’s no one’s fault, it just is. The best thing we can do for ourselves and others is to work on what’s on our own side of the fence and have compassion and understanding for what may stirring on the other’s side. In doing this, we set the stage to enjoy peaceful interactions with our loved ones during the holidays.

Photo Credit: achristmasstoryhouse.com