As I have gotten older, (and I am not saying that I am old), I have noticed two things about myself and my life. First, I have become more certain of who I am. My beliefs, my pet peeves, my preferred style of jeans, and the amount of time I can stand to wear high heels are all clearer to me now than they were five years ago, or ten years ago, or really even six months ago. Also, I know my favorite foods, how much sleep I require to function at a normal level, whether or not I’m willing to help someone in need, how I respond in a crisis, and how much ability I have to follow a strict budget.
The second thing hit me recently when I heard one line of a popular country song that says, “What I never did is done.” I realized this succinct statement summarized well what I had been turning over in my mind for weeks, maybe months. That middle school soccer team I was too intimidated to try out for? No longer an option. That scholarship I didn’t make the grades to keep? I’m paying on the additional loans. The fact that my wedding dress should have been tied tighter? The pictures with that gaping front will forever remind me. Even at the young age of 30, I can look back over my life and pick out times when I should have spoken up or kept quiet, times when I should have put forth more effort or not wasted any effort at all…times when I should have stepped outside my comfort zone, and times when I should have just gone back to bed and waited for a new day to begin.
So what do we do with the knowledge we gain about ourselves as we look back over our life experiences? Perhaps all we can do is combine that knowledge with the lessons we’ve learned so we are better equipped to move forward. If well-behaved women rarely make history—a truth you can find on any number of kitschy gift shop cocktail napkins—perhaps it’s time to change our definition of “well-behaved.”
It’s time to push ourselves to reach our full potential.
It’s time to learn how to choose our battles.
It’s time to know when to give ourselves a break.
It’s time to surprise some people…maybe even yourself.
It’s time to take some risks, even if the chance for failure is high.
I discovered recently that most of my story-worthy, outrageous adventures happened long enough ago that the details and images are becoming fuzzy, fading a little more each time I recall them. It’s been years since I sold leather at the market in Florence, or since I was chased through the Louis Armstrong International Airport in New Orleans by the National Guard, or since I touched a stingray in French Polynesia. All of my favorite experiences in life have been the ones that were hard, uncomfortable, embarrassing, or that required me to be vulnerable. But the older we get, the less inclined we are to put ourselves in situations that are hard, uncomfortable, embarrassing, or that require us to be vulnerable. We think thoughts such as:
I could write that article, but what if no one wants to read it?
I could apply for that job, but I doubt they would hire me.
I could buy that beautiful dress, but I should really lose about 15 pounds first.
I could volunteer for that organization, but that’s the night I usually catch up on all my favorite television shows.
This struggle to realize our full potential is not only mine. I know without even having to ask that there are plenty of women out there who long to “misbehave” by stepping outside their comfort zones to make history, or just move forward in life without regrets about what they could/should/would have done differently. We can’t tell our children, friends, or spouses wildly entertaining stories about what we never did.
As the song said, it’s done. What we can do is make sure that we take ourselves a little less seriously, give ourselves some credit, and try not to be afraid.“Well-behaved” does not have to equal “scared,” because after all, ladies, we have not been given a spirit of fear or timidity, but one of power, love, and self-discipline. So let’s put that spirit to good use and do something.
Photo Credit: vogueandcoffee.tumblr.com