When friendships or relationships become distorted based on what we believe about them, how can we keep a perspective of truly attempting to see the best?
When two people have been doing life one way and then begin the journey of marriage, differences will inevitably surface. You're not alone if you feel like this is harder than you imagined.
One of my favorite authors is Shauna Niequist, a writer who shares insight regarding relationships, community, and engaging with one another while gathered around the table, surrounded by food and drink and friendship. Niequist is a compelling storyteller who uses her own life as a platform for connecting with her readers in a genuine, intimate way.
One of her primary topics of focus is cultivating meaningful relationships and diving honestly and openly into a supportive community. She writes about this in her book Bittersweet when she expounds upon the topic of the home team:
Clearly, we’re wine fans around these parts. There’s just something about a time-honored tradition, being reliant on the rain, the sun and the earth, and condensing years of hard work into one simple glass — all to better eat with, no less — that we can seriously respect.
What else do we respect? When there’s a woman behind it all.
In our day and age of cell phones, email, and social media, it’s easy to overlook the art of writing handwritten notes to communicate with the people we love. We’ve expounded upon the value of continuing to put pen to paper as we send correspondence to family and friends several times, so instead of harping on the topic once again, we thought we’d share some specific instances in which it is easier to send a handwritten note than you think.
Check out our ideas below and let us know if you have any tips to share!
I knew right away she wouldn’t like me. She embodied authenticity with her tattoos and loop nose ring. I, however, was a walking stereotype with my highlighted hair strategically pinned to appear messy, feeling edgy in my Keds. One of us seemed to belong, and the other one of us was me. It was my first day at the cafe and she, of course, was the barista who would train me.
This girl, I came to find, knew no strangers. She seemed to have a sort of magnetic force that drew all types of people to her. It was not her appearance or her talents, though she was both attractive and talented. She seemed to have an uncanny ability to see the best in everyone — strangers and friends alike.
I think it started around 1995, when the Oasis album (What’s the Story) Morning Glory? was released, and I became obsessed with everything England. Something about the culture, the creativity and the history spoke to me. I knew that I wanted to spend time there, and I also knew that a vacation wasn’t going to do it. I wanted to live there.
Over the years my desire to live in England waxed and waned as I went to university, got married and started my career – but it never left me. I remember bringing up the idea to my husband and his less than enthusiastic response. He initially didn’t share my desire to live abroad, but over the years he warmed up to the idea and eventually became the driving force, applying for a work transfer that allowed us to make the move.
The promises of wedding vows made with the best of intentions get tested when life — past and present — shows up. We are dynamic individuals growing and changing as we navigate life. Sometimes, a relationship cannot sustain under the pressures of change, struggle, illness, betrayal, and differing desires to make a marriage work.
Much is invested in preparation for the wedding while the statistics of divorce are a stark contrast to wedding day bliss. Many marriages do not survive today. Some statistics have that number between 40-50% for first marriages and the odds of divorce increase for second and third marriages.
When a marriage is in crisis, love is stretched. Faith is tested. Dreams feel like they become more distant.
Have you often been told you’re ‘too sensitive’? Are you easily affected by the moods of others? Do you seem to notice subtleties in your environment that other people don’t? Can you ‘mind-read’ the emotions of others without them telling you how they’re feeling? Do big crowds make you uncomfortable? Are you averse to watching violence on TV?
Do you cry easily? Would you do far worse on a task if someone was watching you perform it than you would if you were able to do it without supervision? Do you feel the need to retreat and recharge often, almost as if you had an internal battery that easily runs out of steam?
If you answered yes to many of the above questions (you can take a full quiz here), chances are you may be what is referred to as a Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP. Though you may feel like you don’t fit in, or that there’s something ‘wrong’ with you as a result of these characteristics, the truth is that this collection of attributes is found in 15-20% of the population.
This post is sponsored by Shutterfly. Awaken your space with your vision. Shop Shutterfly Home Decor for personalized home accents that are uniquely you.
Valentine’s Day can be tough — some people love it and others love to loathe it. While we can surely understand that, we also think that any day centered on being intentional with those around you is fine in our book. It just may take some reimagining (and a bit of creativity) to see new ways of making someone smile.
That’s why we’ve teamed up with Shutterfly to bring you some foolproof advice for making anyone’s day — Valentine’s or otherwise. Below we’re sharing four key things to keep in mind to ensure authenticity is always at the heart of any gift.
Our romantic lives have a unique way of exposing us – our vulnerabilities, our flaws, the things we hold most precious, the chinks in our ability to love – in ways that other types of relationships just don’t. If you think too hard about this, it’s actually quite scary and easy to see why no one would move forward at all!
The problem is, that’s not how we’re designed. We are made for relationships.
Integrity is the map to achieving our maximum potential; it is the wholeness of our self. As we pursue integrity, we obtain virtues that better us. We all desire to capture the best possible future that exists and make it our present reality; setting standards accomplishes this. Standards are the footprints on the path we hope we’re brave enough to take. They define our personhood and determine our character as we discern the character of others. How we believe we should be treated is directly related to the standards we create.
As I addressed my Christmas cards this year, I realized I didn’t have an updated address for a friend of mine. I logged onto Facebook to say hello and ask for her new address.
Then I realized we weren’t friends.
There she was, and right next to her profile was the little “add friend” icon.
I had been unfriended.
On any given Friday night, I usually wait until about 5:59pm to decide what to do. I like to keep my options open until the very last minute in case I get a better offer. The idea of someone asking me on a date and agreeing on a time and place in advance has not only proved unrealistic in our culture, but rather unthinkable. Like most little girls, I grew up naïvely thinking that dating would involve candlelit dinners, presents, and mix tapes full of sappy love songs.
However, the older I get, the more skeptical I become that courtship can really exist in the digital world.
For many women, the holidays are a time of excitement, engagements, first Christmases and baby stockings. But for every woman rejoicing, there is often another who is depressed, alone, or feeling unsure about what the future has for her.
How can we learn to be real in our struggles, but also genuinely rejoice for others? Especially if a friend has something that we feel unable to attain (a husband, pregnancy, etc)?
The holidays are here, and that means so many good things are in store: Cookie exchanges and Christmas movies, tree-trimmings and holiday parties, gift-wrapping extravaganzas and an excuse to pull out our favorite festive wear.
In this season, there will always be more to do — more cards to write, more gifts to buy, more parties to attend, more people to see. But what if this year we opt for a little less, not in an attempt to sacrifice the richness of this season but rather in hopes of giving our loved ones the gift of presence?
There is an incomparable beauty in being known. It’s that moment in which our intricacies are understood, complications perceived, and innate qualities appreciated. We long for that ultimate connection, that counterpart who embodies the childlike wonder of this Atticus Poetry quote:
“She was the most beautiful, complicated thing I’d ever seen. A tangled mess of silky string. And all I wanted of life, was to sit down cross-legged and untie her knots.”
In the past few years I’ve come to understand a new set of unspoken rules around how we socially interact with each other. As we navigate communication in the digital age, there are more channels to chose from than ever before, but ironically, the less you engage with someone you’re interested in, the more power you possess.
Sending a direct Snapchat to someone raises eyebrows. Liking an Instagram someone uploaded a week previously is unheard of. And when it comes to dating, we are to act aloof. Don’t text first. Don’t put too many emojis. Definitely, definitely don’t call. There is a strange power in silence.
It’s the game of “who cares less,” and how you win is to not engage.
A Note From The Editor: October is the beginning of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Violence can come in many forms. Breaking the cycle of violence involves awareness, education, advocacy and resources. Domestic violence does not discriminate. We think it’s extremely important to take some time this month to learn more about this pervasive issue and think about how you can be a part of changing the statistics of domestic violence in your circle of influence.
Connection is to our soul what oxygen is to our lungs.
The impact of feeling seen and understood by someone we love is immensely powerful.
Yet, sometimes the deep desire to stay connected in a meaningful relationship clouds the signs that the relationship has turned toxic and abusive.
It’s rare to have a day go by where the words “I’m so busy,” don’t pass through our mind or cross our lips. We fill our calendars to the point where even finding the time to relax seems like a chore. That moment of burnout feels inevitable; the “I just want to crawl in bed after a long day” syndrome plagues us. So, where do we find the strength to ditch a Netflix binge and follow through on that long-awaited night of hosting friends?
The healthiest approach for beating ‘flake’ temptation is two-fold. It’s a combination of integrity and fellowship.
Our twenties are often a time to learn who we are, to try out our talents and gifting in the world, and to develop meaningful relationships. The focus is on moving forward and creating a life that makes you feel alive and getting to know yourself as an independent adult.
But while we move into the next life stage, so do our parents. As we age, so do our parents. Very few of us consider the impact of our parents aging on our young adulthood. How do we create an independent life and stay appropriately connected to our parents? How do we balance our goals with our parents’ needs?
Here are a few ideas on how to navigate early adulthood with our parents in mind.
As we soak in these last weeks of summer, we also bask in golden sunlight, carefree days, and in spending our time with friends and family.
Yet, summer also holds a tradition in addition to endless barbecues and baseball games: It’s Wedding Season. Weddings are beautiful, busy, and if you’ve ever attended one you know what I’m talking about. Watching two people you love make a pledge to live in a covenant with one another is both an honor and a blessing.
For many, a wedding is a time of joy and celebration. But, if you’re a single girl, a wedding can also be filled with a mix of anxiety and depression, compounding all of your fears into an avalanche of self-pity.
I can still remember standing in line for dinner at summer camp. My best friend and I had just met six other teenage strangers who we would share a cabin with. As our counselor had asked us to do, we’d gone around the circle to share our name and a few details with each other.
Standing in line for salad and lasagna I said rather brazenly, “Oh my gosh, how annoying was that girl sitting next to you!? Ugh. I can tell she wants to be our best friend, but no thanks. Couldn’t they find another cabin for her?”
I laughed, we agreed — and then I turned around.
Breakups, they happen to everyone. They come in all shapes and sizes; some are swift and painless, others knock you round in ways you cant quite explain. Apparently, the average person will go through at least three major breakups in their lifetime. That’s quite a lot of time to experience something so cataclysmic.
I run a site called Never Liked It Anyway – it’s a place to sell all that stuff you’re left with when a relationship ends. It’s about breakups, but really, it’s about moving on and getting through the bad bit of a breakup quickly so that you can get back to being your most awesome self.
I get asked a lot about how to move on. It’s not easy, that’s for sure. But there are certainly things you can do to help. Below I’m sharing my top ten.
In the age of technology, everything is at our fingertips. We can have groceries delivered to our house, prescriptions refilled instantly, bills paid on time, and gifts sent to loved ones all with the touch of a button, without ever having to leave our home or our device. Similarly, we can make friends and start romantic relationships through our screens, which is inevitably changing the way that we connect with people, for better or for worse.
In elementary school, we made friends with our peers in our classes. We bonded by playing together at recess, working on group assignments, and trading items from our lunches — all of which we did in person, face-to-face.
In the modern, digital age, things have changed substantially. We communicate our emotions and interests through carefully curated words (and emojis, of course!), and while these initial conversations can bring about and sustain long-term, meaningful relationships, these patterns also beg the question: Are we just as quick to make friends now as we were in the days before social media?
One in four. That’s the number of women who will be victims of domestic violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. For seven years, I was that one in four. As a result, my ex-husband was sent to prison for 29 years. In the last year, the media has been flooded with domestic violence stories. From a professional athlete attacking his wife in an elevator, to the increase of sexual violence on college campuses, this problem is not one that will go away quickly.
Rather than let my abusive past dictate the rest of my life, I chose to transform a set of extremely traumatic circumstances into a triumphant story. In 2007, I founded H.E.A.L.I.N.G, the first domestic violence ministry in San Diego, which has served nearly 7,000 men, women and children.
One of the most common questions I’m asked is, “How do I avoid entering another abusive relationship?”
A Note From The Editor: Aiming to be a catalyst for positive change, we want to open a safe place for answering questions and keeping you prepared as you explore and go forth in the world. April is designated as Sexual Assault Awareness Month, so we’re lending listening ears to our friends at Her Campus. They work on college campuses across the nation to reduce stigma and increase awareness about sexual assault.
Please note: This article contains information about sexual assault and violence, which may be triggering for survivors.
In a study of undergraduate women, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that 19 percent of collegiettes experienced attempted or actual sexual assault since entering college. That’s nearly one in five collegiettes.
Unfortunately, odds are that even if you never experience this kind of traumatic violence, someone you know will. With that in mind, it’s important to know how to protect yourself, report assailants, help your friends who are victims of sexual violence, and find help yourself if you do.
When it seems like all of our friends are getting married, having kids, purchasing houses or settling into careers before us, how are we supposed to feel? Is it possible to maintain true excitement for them without comparing their circumstances to ours? In such situations we’re
We see it all around us with the slow and steady arrival of spring. New life and a new day. There’s something sacred about the spring, and I never quite understood it until I moved to New York City. After living in Los Angeles for six
Many of us likely aim to protect friends and relatives from situations where they would be hurt or find ourselves making up for gaps that we see in our communities and in our workplaces. It’s inevitable that people we care about dearly will encounter situations where they will fail or experience hardship. However, in