Haunted and heartbroken, I cried for an hour after reading Kate Fagan’s article “Split Image,” which revisits the life and death of Madison Holleran, a nineteen-year-old collegiate athlete who committed suicide. Her story was eerily similar to my own as an eighteen year old battling severe depression; I wanted to end my life. On the outside and on social media, Madison’s life looked near perfect.

Similarly, to onlookers I had everything going for me, but inside I was coming apart at the seams. I tried hard to make myself feel happy, to make myself feel worthy. Next to my white nightstand sat my stack of self-help books including, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens,” “The Power of Positive Thinking”, and my journal, where I purged my deepest thoughts and listed my big, lofty goals daily: to lose ten pounds, become a model, to get a full-ride scholarship for soccer.

Yet, shortly after I graduated sum cum lade from high school, I came undone. I cracked under the pressure to be perfect. Deep-seeded insecurity, stress, perfectionism, and grave hormonal and physiological imbalances collided, shattering my picture-perfect world into bits of broken pieces.