Love is an action, a decision, a choice. Love does not require that we like the person on the receiving end, and in fact the most powerful forms of love occur when the one we love is an enemy or someone who has wronged us.
Love is a selfless act. It demands that we set aside our wants and desires in order to meet the needs of others. Love forgives quickly and serves readily. Love calls for sacrifice.
As a newlywed, I’ve learned more about love this year than I did in the past twenty-four. I know the statements above to be true because day in and day out, I either see them in action, or see things fall apart when they are missing.
Aside from this first year of marriage, I experienced real, life-changing love during several difficult years of battling anorexia during college. Consumed with coping with my own pain and emotionally numb, I truly had nothing to offer those around me. I felt worthless and unlovable; looking back I can see that while my actual worth never changed, I certainly was a hard-to-love friend. Nonetheless, my friends stood by me.
Greta met with me weekly and sent me a daily note of encouragement, affirming how loved and valuable I was in the eyes of others, but most importantly in the eyes of God. Jessica invited me to coffee and became a safe person to vent my feelings to. Erin showed me that it was okay to be hurting, and there was no shame in getting help. Kasey, seeing the depth of my illness, had the courage to tell my family how sick I really was so that I could get the care I needed. Rachel took me shopping when I was forced to gain back the weight and my clothes didn’t fit anymore. Karli–having known me since I was in elementary school–reminded me of who I really was and helped me see how far away I’d gotten from my true self.
Those women loved me when I was unlovable. It’s shameful to admit that they got no love in return–at least, not at that time. Yet, they showed up for me. They saw I was hurting and decided to lay aside their own needs in order to help me heal.
Love can be an ugly process, but it always has a beautiful outcome. Difficult as it is to muster up energy to consciously love others, love is highly contagious when we encounter it. When we are struck with the privilege of being loved by someone else, we can’t help but pay it forward, passing it along to another person in need.
That’s why it’s so important that we cultivate this quality, girls. We need to choose love over self-obsession and let it spread, infecting those around us. As we make the choice to love our grumpy coworkers, our crazy families, and the underprivileged people who are always around us, we will make the world a more beautiful place–all the while being transformed ourselves in the process.
Read the rest of the articles in the 6 part series “The Character of Beauty” here.
Photo Credit: Google.ca