There is a repeated scene in our home that’s preserved in my motherhood memory vault like a weathered photo from the past. My daughters are huddled together in my bathroom, the two of them standing at the counter’s edge, watching as I get ready. They wait for me to crouch near them to offer a swipe of lip gloss or brush some blush on their cheeks, and when I do, they smile proudly.

“Pretty,” my youngest whispers.

By the time they are teenagers, my girls will understand that taking time for myself in the morning is important to me, whether it’s a few moments spent in my closet scanning shirts for my favorite silk blouse, or rummaging through my lipsticks to find the perfect red.

“Wish I had time to put lipstick on,” an acquaintance once quipped when I met her for a playdate at the park, followed by what my best friend refers to as “The Manhattan Onceover”—an obvious full outfit scan and not-so-subtle eye roll. For a moment, I felt defensive, as if the time I had taken to pick out something pretty to wear and put lipstick on somehow represented that I robbed a percentage of allotted priorities from motherhood, transferred them to myself, and that it meant I cared less about my kids.

I felt defensive, as if the time I had taken to pick out something pretty to wear…meant I cared less about my kids.

I’d argue that in loving our children, we think hard about the messages we model for them. Our girls should know this:  You deserve to do things that make you feel beautiful. You are worthy of time for yourself. 

Yoga pants and ponytails are most definitely a gift to motherhood, but style elements and beauty routines should never be judged as frivolous luxuries or aspects contrary to the themes of motherhood. Let’s teach our daughters that women are a great many things.

I’m reminded of an end page series In Style Magazine ran, a sequence of contributions from readers who grew up admiring their mothers’ style. Vintage photographs of women in chic outfits were combined with words from their children—recollections of pearls, perfume and silk scarves, things often categorized as vanity—to create profiles of multi-faceted women who seamlessly braided their love of art and style into their most cherished role of motherhood. Obvious from every story was the fact that each mother had left her children a gift—yes, a personality trail and fun details to recall years later like “She always wore crisp white linen pants” or “Her signature scent was Chanel No.5.” And yes, each mother had passed down some style tips like the importance of well-hemmed pants or how to confidently pull off a hat. But more importantly, each mother left her children the gift of permission to value themselves—to take the time, if it makes them feel good, to curl their hair into hot rollers or iron a seam into their pants.

Let’s teach our daughters that women are a great many things.

My daughter wore a ruffled dress to the yogurt store last night—too fancy for the yogurt store, in my opinion, but I didn’t say a word. She felt so special, and she deserved it. She’s learning that true beauty dwells deep within ourselves and involves our soul and substance, but she’s also learning that walking outside on an ordinary day wearing something a little bit extraordinary can make us feel really good. When we feel really good, that soul and substance shines a little brighter.

As my grandma would say, “Don’t save the pretty dishes for special occasions. Today is special.”

To all of our daughters: No matter what you wear or how you embrace your style, you are special. Every single day.

As a mother, do you prioritize time for developing your own sense of style? What are some challenges you face in doing so?

Catch up on previous Mom’s The Word posts here.

Image via Ruby Press