Most of us girls have a dream growing up that we will someday find our Mr. Forever. In young adulthood, there is a tendency to be particularly focused on this objective. Whether you are single, ready to mingle, or in a serious relationship, the choices we make now sets the stage for our future marriage. Here’s what we can do to put ourselves in a healthy position in our relationships now and in the future.
Keep Growing
When we are looking for Mr. Right, there is a tendency for this longing to create “tunnel vision,” where all of our problems will be solved if we could just find Mr. Right. While this illusion is certainly convincing, another person will never be capable of being “our everything” or solving all of our insecurities and fears. Whether you are in a serious relationship or not, it is important to continue toward personal growth as our external circumstances are only a fleeting salve for our wounds.
Be Intentional
Inside or outside of a committed relationship, we are wise to treat all of our relationships like the latter. A common myth adopted by many during young adulthood is that we can get serious about what matters later and everything will fall into place. Sometimes this happens. Most of the time it doesn’t. We perform how we practice. While this doesn’t mean that we give too much of ourselves too quickly, being intentional about getting to really know someone and continue to grow in our relationships with ourselves and others will only serve our relationship with future Mr. Right down the road.
Observe
Take a look around. Who in your life has the kind of relationship you would want to have? If it is difficult to think of a relationship you might like to emulate, it is important to reach out to people that demonstrate relationships you hope to have yourself. Having several mentors create vision and help us understand what we are looking for and prevents us from settling for less.
Be Patient
The right one is worth waiting for and comparing yourself to other people’s storylines will only breed dissatisfaction with the beauty of your own story. Waiting for your own story to unfold with anticipation will help you to be thankful for your own unique story and will help you to love the life you have rather than constantly wishing you were somewhere else.
Be Thankful
Each season brings different gifts. Rather than ignoring the gifts of this season and focusing on what your hopes might be for the future, enjoy unwrapping the gifts that this season provides. If we constantly look forward, we miss the presents of the present. An attitude of gratitude leads us toward joy in each season of life.
So no matter what stage of life you are in, know that what you do now counts. It counts now and it counts in the future. Living this truth will only reward you down the road.
Photo by Heidi Ryder, via Style Me Pretty
Megan @ Lush to Blush July 9, 2013
I think there are some great tips in this article and I don’t see anything wrong with trying to get it right when it comes to marriage. I disagree with Caroline. The author clearly says “another person will never be capable of being “our everything” or solving all of our insecurities and fears. Whether you are in a serious relationship or not, it is important to continue toward personal growth as our external circumstances are only a fleeting salve for our wounds.” I took this to mean that a romantic partner will NOT “complete you,” in Caroline’s words.
The use of the term ‘most’ is certainly used correctly in my opinion–in American society–at least. In this country, it is taught at a very young age that marriage is expected. It is what happens when one “grows up.” I don’t agree with that fact, but it is true, nonetheless.
Both my mother (53) and I (25) refer to ourselves as girls, not women. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I didn’t even notice it, much less take offense to it. In fact, I find it odd that one would. Oh well, to each her own.
Great article, Nicole! I look forward to reading more from you.
Megan, LushtoBlush.com
Rebecca July 8, 2013
Thanks for this article! It was timely for me and so good to contemplate.
Ann July 8, 2013
I don’t know the author, so I am not writing as a friend, just a fellow reader, but Caroline, perhaps you perceived the use of the word ‘girls’ as a derogatory term, when that was never the author’s intentions? In no way does the author imply that in referfing to women as girls (which many of us do in our daily lives, even if you perhaps don’t) she is implying we are anything short of grown women who are independent and capable of being satisfied outside of marriage.
Secondly, for ladies who do, in fact, desire partnership, what is wrong with taking time to purposefully examine our motives and actions to make sure they are honoring to ourselves and our future spouse? The author doesn’t say that it’s a magic potion in some Disney fairytale, just that this is wisdom that has helped her on her journey.
Nonetheless, we are all entitled to our own perception. Just wanted to share mine.
Caroline July 8, 2013
I feel like I’ve stepped back into the dark ages reading this article… ‘hey girls, follow this advice and your Prince Charming will come along and complete you’.
Two questions.
1. Most ‘girls’? This assumes that ‘most’ women think and feel the same and have the same priorities in life.
2. I’m going to assume that the majority of readers of this magazine are women, so I’m a little perturbed of the use of the term ‘girls’.
‘Most of us girls have a dream growing up…..’ Are you still in a state of perpetual childhood then?
I really like this magazine, but this article has annoyed me.
Sarah July 8, 2013
This was a needed perspective this morning. Thank you! Wonderful advice.