Most of us have been encouraged to “reach for the stars” our entire lives. We have heard the message that we can do anything we set our minds to and to go forward fearlessly in the direction of our dreams. So why do we as women often hold ourselves back from these dreams? Why do we sell ourselves short, often aiming low in our expectations? Perhaps we are afraid of what the future might bring or maybe we have been hurt in the past in ways that keep us from hoping in a bright tomorrow. Whatever the reason, we are wise to cut these ties in order to truly pursue our dreams with reckless abandon.

Fear of Failure
How many of us would try things more often if we knew we couldn’t fail? All too often, we play it safe, remaining on the sidelines of life because we are too afraid of what it might mean if we don’t succeed. Will it mean we are not good enough? Does it mean we don’t have what it takes? It is risky to do our best. If it doesn’t work out, it is somehow comforting to know that we didn’t put our best effort forth…that there is more we could have done. However, the truth is that when we attach our value to outcomes, we become immobilized in doing anything we dream of…this fear of failure is the very thing that keeps us from failing or succeeding. This tends to happen when a failed outcome means that we as people are failures. We must separate the two in order to fully pursue our dreams.

Disappointment in the Past
What has the past taught you about who you are? What are the messages you carry around about the world and the people in it? Whether you had loved ones in your life you could count on or people who disappointed you time and time again, we all learn to trust or not to trust based on our experiences. If life has taught you that no one can be trusted, dreaming “big” is that much riskier. We hold ourselves back envisioning a bright future because experience has taught us that we are only inviting more disappointment. While it is true that there are many things in life that we cannot control, there are things that we are empowered to do such as doing our best in the task at hand, discerning who can truly be trusted, and learning to let the rest go.

Our Belief About Ourselves
As a therapist, I see many young women and all too often the voice they hear telling them that they “can’t do something” or “they are dreaming too big” is their own! While it is likely that these messages came from somewhere else, continuing to carry them as your own will only affirm those negative messages as true and keep you from pursuing the dreams you were made for. Instead of continuing to criticize yourself, picture yourself as a young child and think about what you would want that little girl to know. Would you tell her she isn’t good enough to reach her dreams? Likely not…yet many of us put ourselves in this position all the time. We have the same hearts we did back then and it’s important to think about the messages we choose to give ourselves now.

Now is the time to cut those ties—the ties that keep us a prisoner to the past and the fear of the future, and the ties that prevent us from pursuing our dreams. We must choose to give ourselves a message of truth about who we are and our own empowerment in the world. It is only then that we will have courage to have great expectations.

Image via Shannon Lee Miller