Darling readers, you can most surely relate to living miles—if not states or countries—apart from some of your closest friends. Even those of us that live a few blocks apart from our best friends can raise our hands to answer the question, “Who struggles with connecting with those who live miles away?”
When first landing in Colorado this past May, I overlooked the importance of intentionally connecting with my closest friends back in California. With face to face interactions and coffee dates being taken away because we now lived states apart, I figured connecting would still come naturally. Hey we have FaceTime! Emails! Phones! I thought to myself, “I’m a good friend. This will be okay!” Big mistake.
Weeks went by and although in my heart I had desires to connect with my other halves in California, I found it difficult for several reasons:
1. I wanted more than ten minutes to connect, but sometimes found that alone time was hard to come by (which often lead to not answering the phone if I only had those five minutes to touch base).
2. I found myself on an opposite time clock, with the time difference getting in the way, work schedules and life schedules conflicting.
3. Plain old forgetfulness.
With long distance friendships held so vulnerable in my hands, I realized that the reasons above, which I so gravely fell guilty of, all needed to be changed. I no longer could make excuses, let schedule conflicts stand in the way, or fall into the trap of busyness and forgetfulness. Can you relate? Here are a few simple yet powerful things we as women can do to be a better friend. A more intentional friend. A friend that is still not perfect but more aware of others. And in the end, a friend that is cultivating long distance relationships that are just so darn important.
Five minute phone calls.
If nothing else, a quick hello and talking about what is happening in the moment far outweighs not answering a call due to a lack of more than five minutes of time. The thoughts spelled out at A Cup of Joe, in the article Friendship Tip: 5-minute phone calls, explains the idea behind this type of intentional connecting. What better way to refresh your heart and mind than to have five minutes of real, in-the-moment conversation with a friend on the other line?
Snail mail.
Maybe I’m old fashioned, but a hand written note sent through the postal service just beams with intentionality. And although there may not be room to write a novel on a card, simplicity and intentionality behind the words written can honestly make the recipients day so much brighter.
Marking your calendar.
Make it a point to have one longer and deeper conversation with a good friend each week. Write that persons name on your calendar and give it all your gumption to connect with her that week. Whether its through email, Skype, the phone, etc. Make a realistic goal of talking to one or two close friends for 30 minutes rather than ten close friends for an hour. Set realistic expectations for yourself, and you can actually see the fruit of being an intentional long-distant friend.
Just as love is an action, so is being a friend.
Let’s be honest: You cannot just think it, you have to act on it. Friendship is more than a feeling. It’s about being proactive and continually working at being there for another person. Being a good friend—and especially being a good long-distance friend—takes serious investment. So put your best foot forward and make the effort. Good friends are hard to come by, and it will most certainly be time and energy well spent.
Image via Rifle Paper Co.