1. Get lost in your own reflection.
For a sure fire way to be unlovely, gaze into the bathroom mirror more frequently than you peer into the beauty of others’ souls. True beauty and loveliness is outward-focused. It invests in others more than oneself. Be that kind of girl.
2. Build your life on your outward appearance.
As my friend Jennifer Strickland says, “Anywhere you find a girl building her life on her outward appearance, you will find a broken girl.” You are not your looks. Be a woman of substance — your physical beauty is fading fast.
3. Take lots and lots of selfies.
Let’s be honest, do you really like it when a friend or foe posts really good looking pictures of themselves all the time? I didn’t think so.
4. View others as competitors and see your “friends” as threats.
In the words of Theodore Roosevelt, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Comparison is also the enemy of contentment. As women we should be focusing on completing one another, not competing against.
5. Question your value relentlessly.
If you want to lack in the true beauty department, never stand secure in your true identity. Insecurity is unattractive. Know your value.
6. Build your worth on shifting sand.
A sure way to lose your true beauty is to build your life on things that are destined to perish: talents, looks, accomplishments and possessions. True beauty transcends time.
What are other ways to be unlovely?
Image via Pinterest
Gabriela October 3, 2014
I think that aspects of this compilation are very intelligent and beautiful, and others somewhat constraining. Another way to be unlovely? Never cutting yourself (or others) slack for being occasionally unlovely. We all take selfies sometimes and find ourselves comparing ourselves to other women, or questioning our worth. These things do not label us as unlovely. They make us human. If, as women, we make the choice to cut ourselves slack when these feelings arise instead of worrying about the whether or not they damage the perfect, moral beings we wish to be, I think we would all be happier and healthier.
Lillian January 14, 2014
Great article! I just had one question. Number six states that you loose your true beauty by building your life on things destined to perish. While I completely agree, I don’t understand why talents are a part of that list. The others: looks, accomplishments, and possessions, make complete sense, but how is not beneficial and a worthy endeavor to cultivate your talents? How does pursuing your talents and making them apart of you make you unlovely? Maybe I’m misunderstanding. My own talents have helped me discover my passions and motivations. Though they are not the center of my life, they are very important to me. Can anyone help me out?
Anonymous February 3, 2014
There is nothing wrong with pursuing talents, and they are wonderful things to possess and cultivate. However, when one builds an entire life on talents, rather than making those talents a wonderful aspect of their life, that is where insecurity and unloveliness takes hold. Hope this helps!
Sonia January 13, 2014
I appreciate that both “Get lost in your own reflection” and “Question your value relentlessly” are mentioned here. I think ultimately as long as we focus on ourselves, we’ll err toward one of those extremes. The beauty is in focusing outward, peering into another’s soul, forgetting ourselves to remember another.
Athena January 13, 2014
Regarding #3 – I LOVE other people’s selfies, be they friend, foe, or anywhere in between. I like knowing how other people see themselves (or would like the world to see them). I think they show the best parts of a person – the desires and vulnerabilities you might not see in other people’s pictures. Selfies really highlight what the subject thinks is most beautiful about themselves, and that tells you so much.
Other than that, selfies allow people to celebrate their own beauty. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying “I feel really good today and here’s some photographic evidence of how good it makes me look.” By constantly ripping on the people who post selfies, we tell each other that it’s not alright to celebrate our own beauty. But by knowing and celebrating your own beauty (inner and outer – a lot more than your outward appearance shows through in a selfie), you gain confidence in yourself. It’s not always the reception of the photo that matters; the very act of posting it for the world to see is empowering enough. (The compliments are a bonus.)
Then again, maybe my friends just post better selfies than yours.
I don’t take selfies. I probably never will. But I love everyone else’s. <3
Ashlee Chu January 8, 2014
Wow. Really, in the quiet moments, I wonder these things to myself. Ways 4 and 6 are where I find myself from time to time. It’s an ugly and unsettled place. It is in those moments of insecurity or self-absorbency when we need to remember whose we are, not who we are.
Mariya Dondonyan January 8, 2014
This was an interesting approach to the topic..showing us what not to do first. It certainly grabbed my attention from the title because it felt so unDarling-like to write a post about not being a darling or a gracious individual. I can see how this can appeal and resonate a lot more with readers because when you only write about how to be a lovely individual, people don’t really see the flaws within themselves because they are not aware those are the flaws that are making them unlovely. Once they see that within themselves, then change can happen because they know exactly what to improve on.
Darling Magazine January 8, 2014
Thanks for your comment, Mariya! Glad you appreciated this. Great insight!